Tell the truth, super dad, how much do you like to make kids laugh with one of your memorable jokes? Day after day, indeed laugh after laugh, you train your children to develop a side of character that will be very useful when they grow up: knowing how to grasp the ironic and funny side of life.
These dad jokes work for any occasion, whether you’re throwing a quick one with your friends, your kids, or even just minding Father’s Day messages for your pop. The best part about these silly jokes is that they will always make you laugh no matter what mood you are in. Read down below and choose from our list the best and the most funny dad jokes for your children.
Funny dad jokes
What’s the best dad ever? It’s the one who makes people laugh, doesn’t it? Well, guess what – that’s exactly what they do best! Dads have an addiction known as Dad Jokes that can never be beaten by anything else in existence or even by their own creation; these wailing puns will bring tears to your eyes while you’re still not able to dismiss another humorous remark that sounds more hilarious than first spoken aloud … and we think this guy fits the ” mom”. Down below you will find funny dad jokes which will make your children laugh and love you even more.
😂How do you get a country girl’s attention? A tractor
😂We all know about Murphy’s Law: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. But have you heard of Cole’s Law? It’s thinly sliced cabbage
😂What kind of music scares balloons? Pop music
😂How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans
😂I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me
😂What do you call a pudgy psychic? A four-chin teller
😂What’s brown and sticky? A stick
😂Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels
😂What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
😂How many DIY buffs does it take to change a light bulb? One, but it takes two weeks and four trips to the hardware store
😂What’s the name of a very polite, European body of water? Merci
😂Why did the cowboy adopt a wiener dog? He wanted to get a long little doggy
😂How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but he has to do it while you are eating dinner
😂How do you fix a broken tomato? With tomato paste
😂Why didn’t Han Solo enjoy his steak dinner? It was Chewie
😂Why was the color green notoriously single? It was always so jaded
😂What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef
😂Did you hear about the racing snail who got rid of his shell? He thought it would make him faster, but it just made him sluggish
😂What did one plate say to another plate? Tonight, dinner’s on me
😂When I was a kid, my dad got fired from his job as a road worker for theft. I refused to believe he could do such a thing, but when I got home, the signs were all there
😂Why did the boy bring a ladder on the bus? He wanted to go to high school
😂What’s a vampire’s favorite ship? A blood vessel
😂What do you call 26 letters that went for a swim? Alphawetical
😂Why can’t the sailor learn the alphabet? Because he kept getting lost at C
😂Why shouldn’t you trust trees? They seem shady
😂Why don’t pirates take a bath before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore
😂The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense
😂What’s more unbelievable than a talking dog? A spelling bee
😂What is the most popular fish in the ocean? A starfish
😂I had a happy childhood. My dad used to put me in tires and roll me down hills. Those were Goodyears
😂What do you call a happy cowboy? A jolly rancher
😂I read that by law you must turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden, but how am I supposed to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
😂Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?” I burst into tears—11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian
😂What invention allows us to see through walls? Windows
😂Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island
😂Which bear is the most condescending? A pan-duh!
😂Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? Just in case he got a hole in one
😂How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut
😂Did you hear about the surgeon who enjoyed performing quick surgeries on insects? He did one on the fly
😂What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make? Brrrroooom, brrroooom
😂When does a joke become a “dad joke”? When it becomes apparent
😂Why did the orange stop halfway across the road? It ran out of juice
😂How many paranoids does it take to change a light bulb? Who wants to know?
😂How do celebrities keep cool? They have many fans
😂What do you call it when a group of apes starts a company? Monkey business
😂I don’t trust stairs. They are always up to something
😂There’s only one thing I can’t deal with, and that’s a deck of cards glued together
😂What did the police officer say to his belly-button? You’re under a vest
😂How many narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. The narcissist holds the light bulb while the rest of the world revolves around him
😂Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked
😂What do you call a cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!
😂The bank keeps calling me to give me compliments. They say I have an “outstanding balance
😂I was addicted to the hokey pokey…but I turned myself around
😂I want to make a brief joke, but it’s a little cheesy
😂Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it
😂I know a bunch of good jokes about umbrellas, but they usually go over people’s heads
😂A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast
😂My wife asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall” to her. I said maybe..
😂Did you hear about the guy who froze to death at the drive-in? He went to see Closed for the Winter
😂Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them
😂Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback
😂Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands
Best dad jokes
The world is a funniest place with the best dad jokes ever that are hilariously funny. These are the jokes that make you laugh out loud, whether it’s because of their ridiculousness or because they remind us of our own dads who sometimes tell silly stories. Don’t hesitate, read down below and you will find the best dad jokes which will make you remember how important your father is.
😄What do you call a mac ‘n’ cheese that gets all up in your face? Too close for comfort food!
😄Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera
😄What does “Rockin’ Robin” do when she’s bored? Tweet
😄I’ve been thinking about taking up meditation. I figure it’s better than sitting around doing nothing
😄A guy goes to his doctor because he can see into the future. The doctor asks him, “How long have you suffered from that condition?” The guy tells him, “Since next Monday
😄5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions
😄What’s a crafty dancer’s favorite hobby? Cutting a rug
😄Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents
😄What rock group has four men that don’t sing? Mount Rushmore
😄Why did the employee get fired from the keyboard factory? He wasn’t putting in enough shifts
😄Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems
😄Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!
😄Why did the nose feel sad? It was always getting picked on
😄Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants
😄Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field
😄Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it!
😄What sounds like a sneeze and is made of leather? A shoe
😄I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house… but the kids still get in
😄How do you get an astronaut’s baby to stop crying? You rocket
😄You’re American when you go into a bathroom and when you come out, but what are you while you’re in the bathroom? European
😄Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg
😄Sundays are always a little sad, but the day before is a sadder day
😄Air used to be free at the gas station, now it’s $1.50. You know why?
😄How does a man on the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it
😄What did one wall say to the other? I’ll meet you at the corner
😄Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line
😄How many apples grow on a tree? All of them!
😄Dogs can’t operate MRI machines. But catscan
😄When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime
😄Did you hear the one about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space
😄I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over
😄Can February March? No, but April May!
😄When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent
😄What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing. It just waved
😄I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks!
😄What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta
😄Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
😄A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!
😄Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!
😄It’s inappropriate to make a ‘dad joke’ if you’re not a dad. It’s a faux pa
😄I could tell a joke about pizza, but it’s a little cheesy
😄Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves. Finally, my high school karate lessons paid off
😄How do lawyers say goodbye? We’ll be suing ya!
😄I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless
😄What kind of music should you listen to while fishing? Something catchy!
😄How do you row a canoe filled with puppies? Bring out the doggy paddle
😄Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!
😄Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint!
😄Why is it a bad idea to iron your four-leaf clover? Cause you shouldn’t press your luck
😄What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory!
😄What kind of music do chiropractors like? Hip pop
😄What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers
😄Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs
😄Why were the utensils stuck together? They were spooning
😄Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!
😄Why did the bedding hide their relationship? They just wanted something pillow-key!
😄What did the coffee report to the police? A mugging
😄How does a penguin build his house? Igloos it together
😄Why are fish so smart? Because they swim in schools
😄What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire!
😄Did you hear about the man who cut off his left leg? He’s all right now
😄What happens when you go to the bathroom in France? European
😄Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it’s tearable
😄How do you stop a bull from charging? You cancel its credit card
😄What’s an astronaut’s favourite part of a computer? The space bar
😄I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
😄It takes guts to be an organ donor
😄What do you call a girl in the middle of a tennis court? Annette
😄My wife said I was immature. So I told her to get out of my fort
😄I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know
😄Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels
😄What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!
😄Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe!
😄Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it!What did the flowers do when the bride walked down the aisle? They rose
😄I didn’t want to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop, but when I got home, all the signs were there
😄Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island
😄What do dogs and phones have in common? Both have collar ID
😄What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
😄What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream
😄I can’t take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog
😄Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb
😄Why is cold water so insecure? Because it’s never called hot
Dad jokes 2022
😁Two goldfish are in a tank One says to the other, “do you know how to drive this thing?
😁Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
😁What do you call a mom who turns into a dad? Transparent
😁I’ve been thinking about taking up meditation I figure it’s better than sitting around doing nothingI just watched a program about beavers It was the best dam program I’ve ever seenWhy did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged
😁Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with
😁Whoever stole my depression medication: I hope you’re happy
😁Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut
😁I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro It’s a total rip-off
😁Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water? He had a very esteemed colleague
😁What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese
😁I can’t find my ‘Gone in 60 seconds’ DVD It was here a minute ago
😁What did the big flower say to the tiny flower? “Hey there bud!
😁What do you call an obese psychic? A four-chin teller
😁Why was the belt sent to jail? For holding up a pair of pants!
😁Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed
😁What happens when a frogs car dies? He needs a jump If that doesn’t work he has to get it toad
😁To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you You have my Word!
😁Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired
😁Dad, can you put my shoes on?” “No, I don’t think they’ll fit me
😁I wanted to go on a diet, but I feel like I have way too much on my plate right now
😁Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it
😁How do you get a blind person to see? Usually by boat
😁What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine
😁What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck
😁Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up
😁What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows
😁Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot
😁What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
😁Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field
😁What do you call a man who can’t stand? Neil
😁This graveyard looks overcrowded People must be dying to get in
😁How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles
😁What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
😁What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
😁How do you follow Will Smith in the snow? You follow the fresh prints
😁Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems!
😁How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it
😁Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn’t know it was on fire
😁I’m really excited for the amateur autopsy club I just joined Tuesday is open Mike night!
😁Friend: “Bro, can you pass me that pamphlet?
😁What did the fried rice say to the shrimp? Don’t wok away from me
😁Did you hear the rumour about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!
😁What does a zombie vegetarian eat? “GRRRAAAIINS!
😁Atheism is a non-prophet organisation
😁What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto
😁What did Adam say to his GF on the 24th of December?
😁This graveyard looks overcrowded People must be dying to get in there
😁What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers!
😁You’re American when you go into the bathroom, and you’re American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you’re in there? European
😁How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it
😁Why are bakers so rich? They make so much dough
😁What do you call a hippie’s wife? Mississippi
😁What do you call a baby monkey? A chimp off the old block
😁What do you call Bill Gates when he’s flying? A Bill-in-air
😁I’m thinking about removing my spine I feel like it’s only holding me back
😁I don’t trust stairs They’re always up to something
😁I would avoid the sushi if I was you It’s a little fishy
😁Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn’t change colour? He had a reptile dysfunction
😁How was Rome split in two? With a pair of CeasarsWhat do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO
😁How does a non-binary samurai kill people? They/Them
😁I’m reading a book about anti-gravity It’s impossible to put down!
😁What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit? Floss Vegas
😁The shovel was a ground-breaking invention
😁What do call a criminal landing an airplane? ConDescending
😁Do you think glass coffins will be a success? Remains to be seen
😁How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together
😁I’m starting a flight company exclusively for bald people, I’ll call it… Receding airlines
😁Why did Karen press Ctrl+Shift+Delete? Because she wanted to see the task manager
😁Why does Waldo wear a striped shirt? Because he doesn’t want to be spotted
😁What do you need to make a small fortune on Wall Street?
😁The secret service isn’t allowed to yell “Get down!” anymore when the president is about to be attacked Now they have to yell “Donald Duck!
😁I used to hate facial hair…but then it grew on me
😁Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tale
😁Did you hear about the cheese that’s been working out? Dude’s shredded
😁My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days I said it must be my weekend immune system
😁Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, “No, just leave it in the carton!
😁5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions
😁What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeno business!
😁What language do people speak in the middle of the earth? Core-ean
Dad jokes 2021
Father’s Day is a moment of joy, a moment of unique fun, emotion and charm. It is also a time when people enjoy their parents’ presence in their life, which is why one should celebrate every day as well. One thing to note about Father’s Day is the fact that this is by far one of the best opportunities to even mend any fractures in relationships. But, how to have fun with your dad on this day? Just take a look at these dad jokes 2021 and share them with him!
😀What did the Japanese cannibal eat for dinner? Raw men
😀What did one Dorito farmer say to the other? “Cool Ranch!
😀Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged
😀What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1
😀Why do dads feel the need to tell such bad jokes? They just want to help you become a groan up
😀My son asked me to put his shoes on, but I don’t think they’ll fit me
😀Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired
😀A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand
😀Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere
😀What do you call a man who can’t stand? Neil
😀What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant
😀My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right
😀How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it
😀Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head
😀Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was out standing in his field
😀What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing—they fast
😀I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed
😀Why are spiders so smart? They can find everything on the web
😀The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested. I hear they’re gonna give him a really tough sentence
😀What do you call a zombie who cooks stir fries? Dead man wok-ing
😀My friend keeps saying “cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.” I know he means well
😀I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know
😀Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with
😀Sore throats are a pain in the neck
😀What does a house wear? Address
😀Which cat is the least loyal? A cheetah
😀When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent!
😀What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeno business
😀How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it
😀What do you call a beehive without an exit? UnBeeLeaveable!
😀What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y!
😀Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut
😀What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A bed
😀I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying
😀What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta
😀I’m thinking about removing my spine. I feel like it’s only holding me back
😀Why did Hitler wear eye glasses? Because without them he could Nazi
😀RIP boiled water—you will be mist
😀I didn’t get a haircut, I got them all cut
😀What do you call two octopuses that look the same? Itenticle
😀Which U.S. state is known for its especially small soft drinks? Minnesota
😀Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field
😀I’ve been bored recently, so I decided to take up fencing. The neighbors keep demanding that I put it back
😀I know a lot of jokes about retired people, but none of them work
😀It’s brave to admit you have an STD. Always clap for those folks!
😀What did the fried rice say to the shrimp? Don’t wok away from me
😀I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen
😀What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint
😀What do you call an unpredictable camera? A loose Canon
😀Why does Sherlock Holmes love Mexican restaurants? They give him good case ideas
😀If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
😀Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?
😀Why can’t a leopard hide? Because he’s always spotted
😀I tell dad jokes, but I don’t have any kids. I’m a faux pa
😀The secret service isn’t allowed to yell “Get down!” anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell “Donald Duck!
😀How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together
Dirty dad jokes
Dad jokes do not necessarily have to do with Father’s Day. Although, telling your father a funny little story to make him laugh now and then is also a good idea to strengthen your bond. With these dirty dad jokes you can make not just your dod to laugh but even your friends. It it good for your health to laugh. To help you in this quest I gathered here the best dirty dad jokes to tell your dad and friends.
😉What are the three shortest words in the English language? “Is it in?
😉What’s the difference between a vampire and an anemic? One sucks blood, the other’s blood sucks
😉What do you call a dad who loves you no matter what? Mom
😉Why can’t you hear rabbits making love? Because they have cotton balls
😉How does a woman scare a gynecologist? By becoming a ventriloquist
😉I’d rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth,” the woman told her dentist. He replied, “Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair
😉What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? “Thanks for coming!
😉What’s the process of applying for a job at Hooters? They just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out
😉How do you stop your nose from running? Take away its shoes
😉Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll? Ken came in another box
😉What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore
😉What do you call an expert fisherman? A Master Baiter
😉After the divorce my dad ended up just like how he has dessert: no custardy
😉What did the booger say to the underside of the desk? “I’m stuck on you
😉What did the booger say to the finger? “Pick on someone your own size
😉What’s the difference between a prince and a booger? A prince is an heir to the throne. A booger is thrown into the air
😉What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch
😉Dear NASA: Your mom thought I was big enough.–Pluto
😉My dad says he loves hunting and prostitutes for the same reason: “There’s nothing like fucking a quick buck and paying a buck for a quick fuck.” He’s in jail now
😉People keep asking me if I helped elect the booger. I keep telling them he wasn’t my pick
😉A mosquito’s father became a divorce lawyer. He was already a bloodsucking parasite, all he needed was a briefcase
😉If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?
😉What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? Beat it. We’re closed
😉Two snowmen decide to have a cake for dessert. After taking a bite, one snowman spits it out and says it tastes like boogers. The other snowman says, “Well, it is carrot cake
😉What’s the difference between your penis and a bonus check? Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus
😉How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from
😉What’s long and hard and full of semen? A submarine!
😉Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg? Because they won’t stop to ask directions
😉What’s the difference between hungry and horny? Where you stick the cucumber
😉Why did the booger cross the road? Because he was being picked on
😉What’s the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? The taste!
😉Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died!
😉What’s the difference between boogers and broccoli? Kids don’t eat broccoli
😉My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence
😉What’s a snot rocket’s favorite restaurant? Booger King
😉What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? “If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts
😉A guy died of a heart attack during sex and his wife didn’t realise until he didn’t ask for a drink afterwards
😉Which borough was the booger excited to visit? The Boogie Down Bronx
😉How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? Call and tell her about it
😉What comes out of your nose at 150 mph? Lambogreeny
😉What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball!
😉What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet? Gum!
😉I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me: “No wait! That one is the break release!” I told him I didn’t want to get into the family elevator repair business
😉A family’s driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son’s innocence, the mother turns around and says, “Don’t worry, dear. That was just an insect.” “Wow,” the boy replies. “I’m surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!
😉How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote
😉A guy is sitting at the doctor’s office. The doctor walks in and says, “I have some bad news. I’m afraid you’re going to have to stop masturbating.” “I don’t understand, doc,” the patient says. “Why?” “Because,” the doctor says. “I’m trying to examine you
😉What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth? A glad-he-ate-her
😉What does Pinocchio’s lover say to him? “Lie to me! Lie to me!
😉I knew I was becoming like my father when I saw the disappointed look in my mother’s eyes
😉What did the booger write in its Valentine’s Day card? “I’d pick you first
😉What do you call a booger on a diet? Slim Pickins’
😉What does a booger tell its true love? I’m stuck on you
😉What comes after 69? Mouthwash
😉Why did the squirrel swim on its back? To keep its nuts dry
😉What’s another name for a snail? A booger wearing a crash helmet
😉What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush
😉What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose
😉A farmer’s wife left him after she found him having sex with one of the ponies after she went to sleep. It was her worst fucking nightmare
Good dad jokes
🤩What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. All the others are weekdays
🤩My kid is blaming me for ruining their birthday. That’s ridiculous, I didn’t even know it was today!
🤩When a toddler reaches the “why?” stage, it’s like opening a bottle of champagne—once it’s uncorked, there’s no going back
🤩Why do peppers make such good archers? Because they habanero
🤩I’m so good at sleeping that I do it with my eyes closed
🤩How does a hurricane see? With one eye
🤩How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it
🤩I wish my gray hair started in Las Vegas because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas
🤩RIP boiling water, you will be mist
🤩I have a clean conscious—it’s never been used
🤩You can tell it’s a dogwood tree from its bark
🤩I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands
🤩I’m thinking I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward
🤩How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but he has to do it during dinner
🤩Why are fish so smart? They live in schools!
🤩Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just wanted a bit more space
🤩How do you measure the mass of an influencer’s following? By Instagrams!
🤩I’m reading an anti-gravity book. I can’t put it down!
🤩Do you know how many people are dead at a cemetery? All of them
🤩I tried to get a smart car the other day but they sold out too fast. Why? I guess I’m just a bit slow
🤩What did the sink tell the toilet? You look flushed!
🤩Dogs can’t operate MRI machines but catscan
🤩What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese
🤩What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu? One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment
🤩What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day? It was loaf at first sight
🤩I love telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he even laughs
🤩The coach went to the bank to get his quarterback
🤩Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one
🤩What’s the difference between a man’s wallet before and after kids? There are pictures where the money used to be
🤩What state is known for its small drinks? Minnesota
🤩What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus
🤩What rock group has four men who don’t sing? Mount Rushmore
🤩What did one plate whisper to the other plate? Dinner is on me
🤩What do houses wear? An address
🤩Can February March? No, but April May!
🤩It really takes guts to be an organ donor
🤩Ghosts are bad liars because you can see right through them
🤩What did the seal with one fin say to the shark? If seal is broken, do not consume
🤩A witch’s vehicle goes brrrroom brrrroom!
🤩If the early bird gets the worm, I’ll sleep in until there’s pancakes
🤩All vampires keep their money in a special place—the blood bank
🤩Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind. It’s tearable
🤩Am I the only man my wife has ever dated? Unfortunately yes, she said the others were all nines or tens!
🤩Why can’t a leopard hide? He’s always spotted
🤩How many apples grow on a tree? All of them!
🤩How do you follow Will Smith in the Mud? Follow the fresh prints
🤩I ate a clock the other day. It was very time consuming
🤩What did the plumber say to the singer? Nice pipes
🤩Did you get your haircut?” No, I got them all cut
🤩I used to be addicted to the hokey-pokey until I turned myself around
🤩They say that 3/2 people are bad at fractions
🤩What concert would cost only 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
🤩I could tell a joke about pizza, but it’s a little cheesy
🤩I only know 25 letters of the alphabet—I don’t know y
🤩I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you didn’t like it
🤩I’ll call you later.” Don’t call me later, call me Dad
🤩Why does a husband lead a dog’s life? He comes in with muddy feet, gets comfortable by the fire, and waits to be fed
🤩Shouldn’t the “roof” of your mouth actually be called the ceiling?
🤩I once wrote a song about a tortilla, but it’s more of a wrap
🤩When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it becomes apparent
🤩I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing
🤩What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where’s popcorn?
🤩What vegetable is cool, but not that cool? Radish
🤩I’d avoid the sushi if I were you. It’s a little fishy!
🤩How do you teach kids about taxes? Eat 38% of their ice cream
🤩I told my doctor I heard buzzing, but she said it’s just a bug that’s going around
🤩I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know
🤩What happened when the blue ship and the red ship collided at sea? Their crews were marooned
🤩I haven’t spoken to my wife in four years. I thought it would be rude to interrupt her!
🤩What happens when a snowman throws a tantrum? He has a meltdown
🤩What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers
🤩My kid gave me a ‘World’s Best Dad’ mug. At least she inherited my sense of humor
🤩If two vegetarians get in an argument, is it still called beef?
🤩I’m worried for the calendar because its days are numbered
🤩What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1
🤩What does the stork do once he’s delivered the baby? He lies on the couch and drinks a beer!
🤩What do you call a pencil with two erasers? Pointless
🤩Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels
🤩Where do boats go when they’re sick? To the dock
🤩What do you call someone who tells dad jokes but isn’t a dad? A faux pa
🤩What’s a tornado’s favorite game? Twister!
🤩Spring is here! I got so excited that I wet my plants
🤩Where do polar bears keep their money? The snow bank
🤩What’s 90 degrees but covered with ice? The North and South Poles
🤩The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers
🤩I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine: we just get better with age. The next day she locked me in the cellar
🤩What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel
🤩What do you call a beehive without an exit? Un-bee-lievable
🤩What do you call two monkeys who share an Amazon Prime account? Prime mates
🤩Stop looking for the perfect match; use a lighter
🤩Why did the picture go to prison? Because it was framed
🤩I had to sell my vacuum cleaner. All it was doing was gathering dust
🤩How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card
🤩How do you deal with a fear of speed bumps? You slowly get over it
🤩What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue
🤩Dear Math, it’s time to grow up and solve your own problems
🤩Why did the man fall down the well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
🤩Did you hear the one about the roof? Never mind, it’s over your head
🤩Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back
🤩I talk to myself because sometimes I just need expert advice
🤩How you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch
🤩The first thing Santa’s elves learn in school is their elf-abet
🤩Why did the orange lose the race? It ran out of juice
🤩If you see a crime at an Apple store, are you an iWitness?
🤩Try the seafood diet—you see food, then you eat it
🤩Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to go spreading it!
🤩What do you call a funny mountain? Hill-arious
🤩Two sheep walk into a—baaaa
🤩I wish my kids weren’t offended by my Frozen jokes. They really need to let it go!
🤩I just don’t trust stairs, they’re always up to something
🤩What’s brown and sticky? A stick
🤩I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me
🤩The pony couldn’t sing because it was a little horse
🤩Air used to be free at the gas station, now it costs 2.50. You want to know why? Inflation
🤩What has ears but cannot hear? A cornfield!
🤩Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate nine!
🤩How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans
🤩I hate Velcro. It’s a rip off
🤩What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved
🤩I hated facial hair but then it grew on me
🤩What did the banana say to the boy? Nothing, bananas can’t talk!
🤩You can’t spell par entry without “try
🤩My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home!
Corny dad jokes
Know how to joke, know how to make people laugh. Often we wish we could tell a good joke for our friends. A joke leads to nothing, does not imply anything, but only remains in the brains of the same people! With these corny dad jokes you will be able to make people laugh and even your father. Read down below and choose from our list of corny dad jokes the ones which you find the funniest and send it to your friends and your dad.
🤭What do you give a sick lemon? Lemon-aid
🤭How do you talk to a giant? You use big words!
🤭Why are pigs so bad at sports? They always hog the ball
🤭Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field
🤭How do nonbinary people hurt each other? They slash them. (They/them)
🤭I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know
🤭Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line
🤭I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So we stopped playing chess
🤭Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift? She had bad blood
🤭I wasn’t close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine
🤭Why are spiders so smart? They can find everything on the web
🤭What kind of milk comes from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk
🤭What’s blue and not very heavy? Light blue
🤭Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said “parking fine
🤭I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support windows
🤭I have a great joke about nepotism. But I’ll only tell it to my kids
🤭I’d like to have kids one day. I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that, though
🤭What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K? HDMI
🤭I was in a job interview the other day and they asked if I could perform under pressure. I said no, but I could perform Bohemian Rhapsody
🤭Today I’m attaching a light to the ceiling, but I’m afraid I’ll probably screw it up
🤭My wife and I have decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty badly
🤭What’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper
🤭What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
🤭Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?” No sun
🤭What kind of car does a sheep like to drive? A lamborghini
🤭My wife left me because of my obsession with pasta. I’m feeling cannelloni right now
🤭What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of the computer? The Space Bar
🤭When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent
🤭What happened when the ten-year-old cannibal spilled his soup? His mother gave him an earful
🤭Why can’t your hand be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot
🤭Where do you learn all about ice cream? Sundae school
🤭Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them
🤭What’s a lawyer’s favorite drink? Subpoena colada
🤭What do you call a wizard who’s really bad at football? Fumbledore
🤭Why is no one friends with Dracula? He’s a pain in the neck
🤭I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something
🤭Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, houses can’t jump
🤭I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word
🤭What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck
🤭My dad died because he couldn’t remember his blood type. He kept insisting we “be positive,” but it’s just so hard without him
🤭I just applied for a job down at the diner. I told them I really bring a lot to the table
🤭How does a penguin build a house? Igloos it together
🤭People in Athens rarely get up before sunrise. Dawn is tough on Greece
🤭I can’t take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog
🤭Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere
🤭How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it
🤭What key is used to open bananas? A mon-key
🤭What’s a ninja’s favorite type of shoes? Sneakers!
🤭Why shouldn’t you tell an egg a joke? It’ll crack up
🤭I don’t get why bakers aren’t wealthier. They make so much dough
🤭Why’d the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He’s an excellent parallel Parker
🤭I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he’s still making fun of me
🤭What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator
🤭I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7’s and 8’s
🤭What did the nose tell the finger? Stop picking on me!
🤭I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me
🤭How do flat-earthers travel? On a plane
🤭How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it!
🤭What’s a sea monster’s favorite lunch? Fish and ships
🤭Cop: I’m arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia.” Man: “Wait! I can explain everything!
🤭What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear!
🤭My daughter just shrieked at me, “Daaaaaad, you haven’t listened to a word I’ve said, have you?” What an odd way to begin a conversation