If you’re one of those people who have a really disgusting sense of humor and laugh at the effects, they really shouldn’t be funny. So, we’ve got you covered! You are in the right place. We have compiled a list of dark humorous jokes for you. However, relax anyway, if you have a dark sense of humor. That’s not a bad thing, some studies have in fact shown that those who love dark humorous jokes may actually be smarter than the average person.
Dark humor jokes may not be the best way to break the ice with your co-workers or in-laws, but your friends or equally twisted members of your family might bring out a few smiles. Read down below and enjoy these dark humor jokes and share it with friends and family.
Best dark humor jokes
In this world, there are very few people who find these things funny, which are in no way related to fun. If you consider yourself in those people, then today you have arrived at the perfect platform. You know, a study showing that those who love black humor jokes are smarter than normal people? Dark humor is all about making fun of the worst parts of life. It can be rude and offensive most of the time as it sheds light on taboo or uncomfortable topics like death, abuse, racism, sexism, poverty, etc. Continue to read and send these best dark humor jokes to friends or share on social media.
❣️I just got my doctor’s test results and I’m really upset. Turns out, I’m not gonna be a doctor.
❣️My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
❣️My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?
❣️I work with animals,” the guy says to his date. “That’s so sweet,” she replies. “I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?” “I’m a butcher,” he says.
❣️My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!
❣️Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.
❣️What’s yellow and can’t swim? A bus full of children.
❣️I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?
❣️An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
❣️My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
❣️What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
❣️Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
❣️Why was the leper hockey game canceled? There was a face off in the corner.
❣️Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line.
❣️A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, “I’m sorry, but you only have ten left.” The patient asks him, “Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?” The doctor calmly looks at him and says, “Nine.
❣️I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
❣️Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus. And I lost my job as a bus driver!
❣️Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day. Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
❣️I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I liked the execution.
❣️My wife of 60 years told me, “Let’s go upstairs and make love.” I just sighed and said, “Choose one, I can’t do both.
❣️The most corrupt CEOs are those of the pretzel companies. They’re always so twisted.
❣️Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
❣️When my uncle Frank died, he wanted his remains to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
❣️I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
❣️Just say NO to drugs!” Well, If I’m talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.
❣️I started crying when dad was cutting onions. Onions was such a good dog.
❣️Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?” the patient asked. “To the morgue,” the doctor replied. “What?” The patient panicked. “But I’m not dead yet!” “And we’re not there yet,” the doctor said.
❣️I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
❣️I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.
❣️Never break someone’s heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
❣️They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it’s poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.
❣️My son, who’s into astronomy, asked me how stars die. “Usually an overdose, son,” I told him.
❣️I heard Sony’s coming out with a new console during the pandemic. It’s called the Plaguestation 5.
❣️What’s the difference between jelly and jam? You can’t jelly a clown into the tiny car.
❣️My friend said that if he went off a cliff, it would be on his own accord. It’s a good thing he drives a Civic.
❣️I have a fish that can breakdance! Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
❣️It’s important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words ‘antidote’ and ‘anecdote,’ one of my good friends would still be alive.
❣️What’s your name, son?” The principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” “Do you have a stutter?” the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.
❣️My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!” They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
❣️When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark. But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!
❣️An apple a day keeps the doctor away… Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
❣️When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
❣️It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
❣️I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down.
❣️What’s the last thing to go through a fly’s head as it hits the windshield of a car going 70 mph? Its butt.
❣️I have a joke about trickle down economics. But 99% of you will never get it.My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. “She obviously has COVID,” my wife said. “Why?” I asked. My wife replied with a sneer, “Because she has no taste.
❣️Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. “My friend isn’t breathing,” he shouts into the phone. “What should I do?” “Relax,” the operator tells him. “I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There’s silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, “OK, now what?
❣️What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can’t be found.
❣️I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So we stopped playing chess.
❣️Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst.
❣️I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
❣️The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. He said I was a sight for psoriasis.
❣️The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
❣️What did the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs say? “T. rex, I’m coming for my hug!
❣️My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer. I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf.
❣️As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
❣️I wasn’t close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
❣️A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree complains. “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.
❣️What’s the difference between me and cancer? My dad didn’t beat cancer.
❣️Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
❣️If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five and suddenly everyone is yelling. Sheesh!
Dark humor jokes tik tok
Laughing at dark jokes doesn’t necessarily make people evil. People who enjoy black humor jokes may actually be smarter than the average person. They are able to process the multiple meanings of a dark joke and create an emotional distance from it, allowing them to have less negative and aggressive reactions than people who dislike dark jokes. These dark humor jokes tik tok are the best to send to your friends who like dark humor. Read down below and choose the best dark humor jokes.
🌝A son tells his father, “I have an imaginary girlfriend.” The father sighs and says, “You know, you could do better.” “Thanks Dad,” the son says. The father shakes his head and goes, “I was talking to your girlfriend.
🌝When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.
🌝My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
🌝My husband left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what he’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!
🌝I threw a boomerang a few years ago.
🌝My favorite novel is The Hunchback of Notre Dame. I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.
🌝What’s a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet?
🌝Do you know the phrase “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.
🌝Welcome back to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today!
🌝I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
🌝Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? “Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.
🌝I’d like to have kids one day. I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
🌝Where did Joe go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.
🌝The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. He said I was a sight for psoriasis.
🌝Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.
🌝Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
🌝My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my brother.
🌝The most corrupt CEOs are those of the pretzel companies.
🌝A kid decided to burn his house down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, “That’s arson.
🌝You can always serve as a bad example.
🌝What’s worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into an apple and finding half a worm.
🌝I have good and bad news,” the doctor said to his patient. “Give me the good news first,” the patient said. “Your test results are back,” the doctor said, “and you have only two days to live.” “That’s the good news?” the patient exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?” “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.
🌝What’s the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire? One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.
🌝When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
🌝A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, “Do you have any last requests?” “Yes,” replies the murderer. “Can you please hold my hand?
🌝My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister.
🌝You’re not completely useless.
🌝My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
🌝When ordering food at a restaurant, I asked the waiter how they prepare their chicken. “Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.
🌝I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
🌝It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
🌝I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.
🌝My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
🌝They laughed at my crayon drawing. I laughed at their chalk outline.
🌝I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
🌝You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
🌝Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off? He’s all right now!
🌝I now live in constant fear.
🌝I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.
🌝When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
🌝I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
🌝My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger brother.
🌝I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.
🌝My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
🌝Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
🌝What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
🌝What did the Titanic say as it sank? I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
🌝What does my dad have in common with Nemo? They both can’t be found.
🌝My grief counselor died the other day. He was so good at his job, I don’t even care.
🌝I like to spend my weekends playing chess with old men in the park. It’s not easy. You try finding thirty-two old guys.
🌝Did you hear about Pillsbury Doughboy? He died of a yeast infection.
🌝Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.
🌝Why did the man miss the funeral? He wasn’t a mourning person.
🌝A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.
🌝The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.
🌝When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
🌝I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
🌝A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, “Hey mister, it’s getting really dark and I’m scared.” The man replies, “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.
🌝They’re always so twisted.
🌝The most corrupt CEOs are the ones who run pretzel companies. They’re always so twisted.
Funny dark humor jokes
Black humor is a particular form of humor that, due to the fact of dealing with a bit hot topics, such as disabilities, illness and death, not everyone likes. In fact, if on the one hand these jokes can make you laugh, on the other they can be a bit too bad for some categories of people. Use these funny dark humor jokes to send to your family and friends.
🤩My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
🤩Don’t worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, likely, someone has already thought of them.
🤩What do peanut butter and strippers have in common? They both spread for bread.
🤩In prison why is a white man scarier than a black man? Because he did it.
🤩Going back to school after summer just means that you’re one step closer to death.
🤩Don’t challenge death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
🤩What do you call a duck on drugs? A quack head.
🤩What is the best thing about dating a homeless woman? You can drop her off anywhere.
🤩While reading this post, you will see that these dark jokes get progressively worse and they are meant for mature audiences.
🤩It seemed really important to him that I have it.
🤩What do you call people that insist on using the “pull out” method? Parents.
🤩Went to Disneyland because my daughter is obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.
🤩I had a crush on my teacher, which was confusing, because I was homeschooled.
🤩My wife/husband is insisting we have another kid. It’s a good thing because I really don’t like the one we have right now.
🤩You know you’re ugly when you get handed the camera every time they make a group photo.
🤩Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to punch you. That’s the punch line.
🤩I was digging a hole in the garden when I found some gold coins. I was about to run and tell my wife, when I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden…
🤩A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said: “F**k off, you won’t bring it back.
🤩Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
🤩What’s the best part about turning 60? No more calls from life insurance salesmen.
🤩I thought opening a door for a lady was good manners, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.
🤩My friend gave it to me while he was dying.
🤩Why do hospitals have air conditioning? To keep the vegetables nice and cool.
🤩What’s pink and dangerous for your tooth? A brick.
🤩When ordering food at a restaurant, I asked the waiter how they prepare their chicken. “Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.
🤩Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?” Dad: “Call me George.
🤩What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Virgin mobile.
🤩Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face. For example, when you push them down the stairs.
🤩According to our research, there are over 300,000 Google searched for dark humor jokes. So you are definitely not alone looking for these. And they go way beyond the typical dad jokes.
🤩Why should you never fart in an Apple store? Because they don’t have windows.
🤩Did you hear about Pillsbury Doughboy? He died of a yeast infection.
🤩My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister.
🤩Never break someone’s heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
🤩We found the darkest humor jokes just for you. Apparently, there are people who appreciate dark humor all over the internet, so we had plenty of ideas to choose from.
🤩What’s the difference between me and cancer? My dad didn’t beat cancer.
🤩What is the worst combination of illnesses? Alzheimer’s and diarrhoea. You’re running, but can’t remember where.
🤩I hope death is a woman. That way it will never come for me.
🤩We know that a lot of people can’t take a joke these days. So this is your safe space to enjoy these. Only read them to a person who gets dark humor.
🤩I was raised as an only child, which I think was hard for my brother.
🤩As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
🤩I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. I threw him out. I hate visitors.
🤩I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He later told me it was the most violent book he’d ever read.
🤩A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!
🤩My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.
🤩Why did the man miss the funeral? He wasn’t a mourning person.
🤩When I dunk my cookies in milk, I think of you. I hold them down until the bubbles stop.
🤩I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.
🤩What do you call an orphan taking a selfie? A family photo.
🤩My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now, he’ll really know what rejection feels like.
🤩When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
🤩What do you call a lesbian with long nails? Single.
Very dark humor jokes
When we feel the need to homologate to others, we must remember how important it is to keep our personality firm and alive, that is to say that set of characteristics that makes us unique in the world. Each individual can have many “nuances” in this sense, which he reveals according to the occasion in which he finds himself or his state of mind. These very dark humor jokes are the best for you to share on social media or with friends.
😂When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
😂I just ate butt for the first time, tasted like shit. Told my grandma she has to wipe her butt.
😂How did Rhianna find out Christ brown was cheating on her? She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
😂For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.
😂Why can’t you get a book on how to commit suicide at a library? Because you wouldn’t bring it back.
😂I love telling jokes about orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
😂I got kicked out last week at the library, because I put the women’s rights book, in the fiction section.
😂Tombstone engraving: I TOLD you I was sick!
😂What’s the difference between Micheal Jackson and a grocery bag? One is made of plastic and bad for children, the other is meant for carrying groceries.
😂Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off? He’s all right now!
😂What do you call an African that’s not hungry? Dead.
😂What do anti-vax kids turn into when they turn 5? Make a wish kids.
😂What is the one good thing about child molesters? They drive slowly in the school zones.
😂What do you call a virgin in Alabama? An orphan.
😂Welcome back to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today!
😂I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
😂How do you kill a blind person? Give him a gun, and tell him it’s a blow dryer.
😂What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan? An apple gets picked.
😂What’s the difference between a pedophile and a condom? Only one gets all the credit for catching kids.
😂The ‘F’in orphan strand for family.
😂I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
😂What’s the difference between jelly and jam? You can’t jelly a clown into the tiny automobile.
😂When I go, I wanna die peacefully like my grandpa, in his sleep. Not like the people in this car.
😂When I die, I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
😂As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
😂What’s the best thing about dating an African girl? You know she’ll swallow.
😂Why do orphans miss half of their season’s basketball games? Because they have no home games.
😂What’s black and white and red all over? An interracial abortion.
😂How do you win an argument against an Emo? You kick the chair.
😂How do you spot a blind man at a nudist beach? It’s not hard.
😂My family is like a treasure to me? You need a shovel and a map to find them.
😂I cried a lot when dad was cutting my onion. Onion was such a good dog.
😂Why are Americans so dumb? The ones that go to school get shot.
😂It’s better to cum a shit load, than to shit a cum load.
😂The Best Dark Humor Jokes.
😂Dog food lid”, spelled backward is “dildo of god”.
😂It’s important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words ‘antidote’ and ‘anecdote’, one of my friends would still be alive.
😂My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!” They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
😂Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation. Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too.
😂What does the Spongebob intro have in common with a pedophile? Are you ready kids!!!
😂The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.
😂My grandpa has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
😂What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can’t be found.
😂My son likes astronomy. One day he asked how stars die. “Usually an overdose son,” I told him.
😂Man: “Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?” Doctor: “To the morgue.” Man: “What? But I’m not dead yet!” Doctor: “And we’re not there yet.
😂I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
😂Man with cancer: How much time do I have left? Doctor: “Ten” Man with cancer: “Months? Weeks? Days?”…. Nine. Eight…
😂I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he has ever read.
😂I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.
😂What’s 11 inches long, and makes her cry at night? Stillbirth.
😂An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
😂Why do vampires seem sick? They’re always coffin.
😂If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five and suddenly everyone is nobody. Sheesh!
😂I don’t know why people were mad about my miscarriage joke, it never gets old, so does the kids in it.
😂The First rule of the deaf club is, nyuh nuh nag dalk ahbo nef glub.
😂A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, “Hey mister, it’s getting really dark and I’m scared.” The man replies, “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.
😂My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive”, but it’s hard without him.
😂Son: Dad, am serious, I don’t want to live with grandpa.
😂So I bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful boy just sat in his wheelchair and cried all day.
😂Just say NO to drugs!” Well, If I am talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.
😂My grandfather said my generation relies too much on technology. So, I unplugged his life support.
😂When my uncle Frank died, he wanted his remains to be buried in his favourite beer mug. His last wish was, to be Frank in Stein.
😂What makes sad people jump? Bridges.
😂My wife of 60 years told me “Let’s go upstairs and make love.” I just sighed and said, “choose one, I can’t do both”.
😂Where did Sharon go during the bombing? Everywhere.
😂There is a lot to talk about starting families but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.
😂My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!
😂What’s the difference between a dead child and a slice of pizza? A slice of pizza can’t feed the family.
😂I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?
😂I childproofed my house. Somehow they still got in!
😂What’s yellow and can’t swim? A bus full of children.
😂What’s yellow and can’t swim? A school bus, with school kids in them.
😂I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.
😂I wasn’t close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
😂You’re not completely useless. You can always serve as a bad example.
😂You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
😂My wife and I have decided that we do not want children. If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
😂Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
😂Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have nobody to go with.
😂Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst.
😂What’s the difference between an American and a computer? An American doesn’t have troubleshooting.
😂I have a joke about trickle-down economics. But 99% of you will never get it.
😂I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
Dark humor knock knock jokes
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Sue. Sue who? I’ll see you in court!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Bacon. Bacon who? Baking some cookies in there? It smells delicious!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Voodoo. Voodoo who? Voodoo you think you are, asking me so many questions?
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Police. Police who? Police stop telling these awful knock knock jokes!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Witches. Witches who? Witches the way to the store?
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? To. To who? It’s to whom.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Theodore! Theodore who? Theodore wasn’t open so I knocked.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Ivor. Ivor who? Ivor you let me in, or I’ll climb through the window.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Robin. Robin who? Robin you, now hand over the cash!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to open the door!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Cash. Cash who? No thanks, but I’d love some peanuts!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? CD. CD who? CD guy on your doorstep?
😄Knock knock. Who’s there ? Dishes! Dishes who? Dishes the police, come out with your hands up.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Hey, don’t cry!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Teresa. Teresa who? Teresa are green!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Bruce. Bruce who? I Bruce easily, don’t hit me !
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? You. You who? You hoo, anybody home?
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? I am. I am who? I am who is knocking. Who are you?
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Figs! Figs who? Figs the doorbell, it’s broken!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Andrew! Andrew who? Andrew a picture!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Avenue. Avenue who? Avenue seen it coming?
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Control Freak. Con— Okay, now you say, “Control Freak who?!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Ruff ruff. Ruff ruff who? Who let the dogs out? I heard barking!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Linda. Linda who? Linda Hand, will ya? Mine is tired from knocking.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Nana. Nana who? Nana your business.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Says. Says who? Says me, that’s who!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? I. O. I. O. who? Me. When are you paying me back?
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Tyrone. Tyrone who? Tyrone shoelaces!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Water. Water who? Water those plants or they’re going to die!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Sherlock. Sherlock who? Sherlock your door tight.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Egg. Egg who? Eggstremely disappointed you still don’t recognize me.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Keanu. Keanu who? Keanu let me in, it’s cold out here !
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Taco. Taco who? Taco to you later. It’s taking too long for you to open the door.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Annie. Annie who? Annie way you can let me in now?
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? A little boy. A little boy who? A little boy who can’t reach the doorbell.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Woo. Woo who? Don’t get so excited, it’s just a joke.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Keith! Keith who? Keith me, my thweet preenth!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Noise. Noise who? Noise to see you!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Aaron. Aaron who? Why Aaron you opening the door?
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Juno. Juno who? Juno I love you, right?
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? A little old lady. A little old lady who? Dang! All this time, I had no idea you could yodel.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Ray D. Ray D. who? Ray D or not, here I come.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Interrupting doctor. Inter– You’ve got a broken leg.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Yacht. Yacht who? Yacht to know me by now!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Mike Snifferpippets. Mike Snifferpippets who? Oh come on, how many Mike Snifferpippets do you know?
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Daisy! Daisy who? Daisy me rollin, they hatin’.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Aida. Aida who? Aida sandwich for lunch today.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in it’s cold out here.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Cook. Cook who? Yeah, you do sound cuckoo!
😄Knock knock.Who’s there? Butter. Butter who? Butter be quick, I have to go to the bathroom!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Luke. Luke who? Luke through the the peep hole and find out.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive you and I don’t care who knows it!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, there’s no point!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Dwayne. Dwayne who? Dwayne the bathtub already. I’m drowning!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Euripides. Euripides who? Euripides jeans, you pay for ’em.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Ben. Ben who? Ben hoping I can come in!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Kanga. Kanga who? Actually, it’s kangaroo!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Omelette. Omelette who? Omelette you finish.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Roach. Roach who? Roach you an email last week and I’m still waiting for a response.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? An extraterrestrial. An extraterrestrial who? Wait, how many extraterrestrials do you know?
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Zoom. Zoom who? Zoom did you expect!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Amanda. Amanda who? Amanda fix your sink!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Ears. Ears who? Ears another knock knock joke for you!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Leaf. Leaf who? Leaf me alone!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Iona. Iona who? Iona new car!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Amish. Amish who? Really? You don’t look like a shoe.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Hatch. Hatch who? Bless you!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Closure. Closure who? Closure mouth while you’re chewing!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Dozen. Dozen who? Dozen anybody want to let me in?!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Icing. Icing who? Icing so loud, the neighbors can hear.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Noah. Noah who? Noah good place we can go get lunch?
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Armageddon. Armageddon who? Armageddon a little bored. Let’s go out.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Mikey! Mikey who? Mikey doesn’t fit in the keyhole!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Pecan! Pecan who? Pecan somebody your own size!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Turnip. Turnip who? Turnip the volume, I love this song!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Cargo. Cargo who? No, car go “beep beep”!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Snow. Snow who? Snow use. I forgot my name again!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Jess. Jess who? Jess cut the talking and open the door!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Yukon. Yukon who? Yukon say that again!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Gouda. Gouda who? Gouda knock knock jokes, don’t you think?
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Honeydew. Honeydew who? Honeydew you wanna dance?
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Ferdie! Ferdie who? Ferdie last time, open this door!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Gorilla. Gorilla who? Gorilla me a hamburger.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Alpaca. Alpaca who? Alpaca the trunk, you pack the suitcase.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Tank. Tank who? You’re welcome.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Ho, ho. Ho, ho who? You know, your Santa impression could use a little work.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Rhonda. Rhonda who? Is this the rendezvous point? I was told to knock twice.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Ida. Ida who? It’s pronounced Ida-ho, and the state capital is Boise.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? FBI. FB… We’re asking the questions here.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Goliath. Goliath who? Goliath down, thou looketh tired!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Me. Me who? Having an identity crisis, are you?
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Spell. Spell who? Okay, fine. W-H-O.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Deja. Deja who? Knock knock!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Amarillo. Amarillo who? Amarillo nice guy.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Leena. Leena who? Leena little close and I will tell you!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Mustache. Mustache who? Mustache you a question, but I’ll shave it for later.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Cantaloupe! Cantaloupe who? Cantaloupe to Vegas, our parents would get mad.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Rhino! Rhino who? Rhino every knock knock joke there is!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Cereal. Cereal who? Cereal pleasure to meet you!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Oswald. Oswald who? Oswald my bubble gum!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Ice cream soda. Ice cream soda who? Ice cream soda whole neighborhood can hear!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Europe. Europe who? No, YOU’RE a poo!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Hatch. Hatch who? God bless you.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Yah. Yah who? No thanks, I use Bing or Google.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Hawaii. Hawaii who? I’m fine, Hawaii you?
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Beets! Beets who? Beets me!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Weekend. Weekend who? Weekend do anything we want!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Candice. Candice who? Candice door open or what?
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Zany. Zany who? Zany body home?
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Lion. Lion who? Lion on your doorstep, open up!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Art. Art who? R2D2 is my favorite droid in Star Wars.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Jimmy. Jimmy who? Jimmy crack corn and I don’t care!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Cows go. Cow’s go who? No, silly. Cows go “moo!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Adore. Adore who? Adore is between us. Open up!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Nun. Nun who? Nun ya business!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Bed. Bed who? Bed you can’t guess who I am!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Iran. Iran who? Iran over here to tell you this!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Mikey. Mikey who? Mikey got lost; open up!
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Dishes. Dishes who? Dishes a nice place you got here.
😄Knock knock. Who’s there? Owls say. Owls say who? Yes, they do.
